02.05 The One Where Chandler Regresses

Today we're talking capitalism, we're talking patriarchy, we're talking sexual coercion, we're talking financial disparity between friends, we're talking ableism - honestly this episode is real problematic. So much for Chandler's #GlowUp, this episode he's a real sh*t and we're not having it.

CW: sexual assault and ableist language regarding little people

This episode covers Season 2, Episode 5 The One With Five Steaks and an Eggplant.

Resources:
Little People of America Against Wrestling
Media's Romance and Fascination with Little People

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Emilie Brunet
@emiliebyoga

Quinn Brunet
@quinnkbrunet

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Transcript

0:00

hi and welcome to what the phalange the podcast where we watch every episode of friends discuss it deconstruct it and fan over it one episode at a time my name is emily pronoun she and her and my name is quinn pronouns zizier or they them this week we are talking about season two episode five the one with five steaks and an eggplant a line that is actually said in the episode this episode aired on october 19 1995 it was written by definitely a man because you can tell chris brown and it was directed by ellen giddleson i don't know if i predicted this is the one i think it was all right yeah um this is the one according to imdb when the gang is divided by income issues monica ross and chandler make more money well rachel phoebe and joey don't chandler also uses a case of mistaken identity to his advantage which is like a [ __ ] understatement i know this is a language so soon this like this summary is so like pg like it's just like it's like oh so gentle of chandler um anyways in our opinion this is also the one where things get real rapey and real classist real fast[Music] first of all first impressions of the episode go like i would argue this is one of the worst episodes of friends in terms of um like storyline in the sense that like like first of all the chandler storyline is just brutal like it's just awful and there's like no redemption to it except for like the script is like his lines are good like chandler's lines like his dialogue are is good but outside of that like that's just like a [ __ ] show and we'll get to that when we get to it but um like i also like while i appreciate what they were trying to do with the whole discussion of finances like they actually don't ever conclude anything at the end of it like they don't resolve it they don't actually have a real conversation it's like monica gets fired and therefore now like there won't be an imbalance of power when it comes to finances like it just like it doesn't actually make any sense and it's just like not like the spoiler alert it just doesn't come back in the next episode you know it's not like it's an ongoing arc about finances like it's just it kind of feels like they had the right ingredients and just like didn't do something good enough with it you know yeah yeah it's interesting because it's like a very um interesting talking point and like i think it makes the episode interesting because it's a very relatable like concept and what they end up portraying is like like at certain moments like i feel the feeling that i've had being in those moments of like monica and chandler and uh no monic no uh joey and rachel and phoebe you know like like i've had those like i can feel it when i watch it you know but but you're right like there is no conclusiveness to it and and so i kind of actually one of the three main things that i want to talk about this episode was like how to navigate the wage gap with your friends and in different relationships because i feel like it's a great like springboard to have that conversation and i feel like it's just something that like like has to be navigated especially like you know at our age late 20s early 30s like this is a very real thing at any age it is but i think especially you know at this point as well yeah totally well like do you want to transition to say the other things that you want to talk about too because i feel like we're likely going to have some overlap yeah i feel like to be honest i feel like there's so much in this episode okay again i feel like i've pointed this out in the past i feel like there's like a pattern in friends where it kind of like goes back and forth where it's like we're like one episode it's like it's not super loaded but then next episode it's like super loaded and i feel like this is the episode where it's like super loaded um uh but okay one of the things i want to talk about is it's a very like passing thing near the end of the episode uh where like little stevie uh like there's kind of like a comment about um you know babysitters fooling around with his dad mm-hmm when we get to yeah sure oh that's a good idea actually um but like i just feel like um yeah and then in like you know in the next scene it kind of implying uh rachel possibly being one of them or like just like puts that question out there um uh and uh i also yeah like want to talk about like the patriarchy uh just like like um fem folks and again kind of looping back to something we've talked about in the past where it's like this need to be on guard in this world and that being demonstrated by like chandler essentially you know um and uh and then i of course want to talk about um like another main thing that i want to talk about is um the money the wage gap and and and finances with friends and i don't think it has to be like a dark kind of topic i mean like besides like the you know capitalism is horrible part of it but like it can be a fruitful conversation in my opinion um you know yeah right it doesn't have to go so horribly as it did between these friends even though you know yeah well that can be a hard conversation just depends on your friends it depends on your friends and it's just like it can be a hard conversation to preach because there is so much stigma around money and sharing like what you make and uh you know and that is that is one of the ways that the system controls us guys so let's get into that when we get there yeah definitely okay i want to go now my turn go yes please um okay so first thing i want to talk about it's like right away in this cold open and like i don't actually have enough nuanced understanding of these topics in order for me to feel as though like i'm well versed in in it enough to talk about it so i will be likely reading a little bit from like um anyways basically i want to talk about little people and their portrayal in media so specifically in the ways in which um basically quote-unquote [ __ ] wrestling is seen in this first scene of the episode um and so just for context like um the term that we will be using throughout this episode is little people and not the m word that i just used um just because this is what little people have asked to be called um and so like yeah we'll get to that like very shortly because it's in the cold open but um the next thing i want to talk about is specifically like negging uh pickup artists and consent so a little bit in the ways in which that all kind of ties in together and then yeah i also want to talk about financial disparity and classism amongst friends but specifically from the fact that rachel actually comes from a lot of wealth and the ways in which like that script is kind of flipped um and yeah so i just want to talk about like that whole concept a little bit and and yeah and capitalism when do we ever not talk about capitalism in our podcast oh my god capitalism the patriarchy yeah common themes[Laughter] um okay so let's get into opening scene um so like the entire show opens up with a picture of their tv and before we like launch into um deeper topics i just want to point out the fact that the program is in spanish and it's just like every single time they're watching tv thus far in friends it has been in spanish just so you need to put that out there anyway um but more importantly[Laughter] uh essentially we're watching what is called [ __ ] wrestling um or what chandler refers to it as emily i'm gonna let you kind of take the reins on this and this is the same media portrayal that we see throughout um many many decades of um of little people on television um and so i just like i will put it in the show notes but um i just want to pull like something up from little people of america which is an organization that was created by and is run by little people and their feelings around [ __ ] wrestling um so the first thing that they write on their website is[ __ ] wrestling is they use the word that here so i will be just using that the word that they are using um [ __ ] wrestling is defined by marketing little people as an entertainment spectacle just as little people were put on display based on based upon their physical differences during the days of the traditional sideshow and freak show um and so like they are recognizing that this is like their their whole um take on [ __ ] wrestling is like a campaign to stop[ __ ] wrestling um and then one of the messages they say is that some people argue this issue is about choice which is interesting because um the people who are choosing to be wrestlers like are making that choice right and i think that that's a big conversation um about the ways in which we like just hyper like the ways we just like show and entertain um through i'm trying to say words and they're not coming through but like you know like when you see someone who is like a character caricature of themselves on television and then people are like well they chose to do that you know like you see someone who is queer on television who's making fun of themselves as being queer and then they're like okay well like they're just you know like they're they're choosing to act and be as that character so like they should be able to do that and it's like sure but that's not representative of like it's like everyone feels you know it's it's like within the entertainment industry we need to make more space for little people to have jobs within the entertainment industry doing different things and then we can circle back around and have like a real conversation about choice i think that's that's kind of where it's coming from yeah exactly and i i will link like a pdf of um like a long um i guess not study but it was a it's like an academic article written specifically about the portrayal of little people in media and specifically in the ways in which little people tend to be portrayed in four very specific ways one being like evil and sinister style um like portrayal two being magical or mythical beings three being the butt of a joke um and some form of like humor which we can see in this episode of friends and for um like being portrayed as um i guess like freaks in the same way that like um they are shown in circuses but also specifically in the ways in which like reality tv shows uh portray um like this voyeurism kind of style of watching little people um rather than actually giving little people like full backstories with like complex understandings so uh anyways we'll add those links to the show notes and obviously like if you are a little person listening to this episode we would love if you wrote in and you know what the flange wtflangie gmail.com and just told us how you feel about these things um and you know let us know it would be great to have various opinions and thoughts around this matter yeah so moving on in the same cold open there's just so much in this [ __ ] cold open it's unreal um but in the same cold open uh so a phone starts to ring first of all i think it's like hilarious that chandler's not picking up his phone he's like i don't want to pick up my phone it's valid i never pick up my phone i always scream my calls um but then obviously it's someone calling named is her name jade i feel like i wrote down jade but i'm not sure is it jade i think you know what i didn't even write down her name but one of the notes that i wrote down was was depiction of women[Laughter] being a two-dimensional character it is great it's almost like she was more of like a prop you know she was 100 a prop like yeah it kind of feels like like someone saw this character in a porn movie it was like let's put this character into here you know it's like it's more of a fantasy character than an actual like real person but also that being said if you have ever done exactly what this character jade i think has done then in my opinion good on you yeah it's not just [ __ ] on her it's just like it's not touching on her at all it's like it's not her like it's just like it's the fact that like they've basically written a character like if this was like written by a woman and the whole episode treated this woman incredibly differently like i would i have no issue with who she is as a person my issue is not at all about her it's just like the way that they've written her to be this like one dimensional person who just like only wants sex and like only want sex with bob and like not only to only want sex but also to like to like basically to only be used for sex and only have like yet to not be humanized to just be manipulated to have sex with you know like yeah it's sort of like because there's nothing else about her it makes it like for us we we as like the people watching chandler do this a character that we have come to love we can hate him less for what he has he is doing or think less of what think it's more okay what he's doing because of how they've like created this character for us to like consume her you know yeah and like ross kind of acts as the voice of reason which is like again it's so weird when he does but like it it is one of those i think ross has something like you're right i take that yeah um but yeah no like he he's kind of like you you can't do this like you're you're pure evil he literally says to chandler and charlie was like pure evil or horny and alone and he's like i've been this referring to being like hordian alone and you're like chandler can you not pick pure evil like like it this kind of goes into like the realm of like um am i is in cells is that the right term yeah yeah um i always get mixed up with something else um yeah it's like it kind of goes into like the realm of like in cells where it's sort of like like people thinking that they deserve to have sex and also like not have to pay for it it's like i deserve to have sex for free with people because either i'm like horny and alone and i think myself to be a decent enough human you know like um and it's like it's true like everyone deserves sex everyone you know everyone deserves you know good things to them and to have like you know to feel fulfilled but that doesn't mean that you deserve it at the cost of essentially like you know sexually assaulting someone else uh definitely not you know like and manipulating i guess yeah yeah but at the end of the day like at the end of the day it becomes an assault it was not consensual like that was not real consent consent is informed consent meaning that like the person had a full grasp of what was happening um yeah basically like he like threw a veil over the situation and so she didn't know what was going on and then basically took like s set it up so that he could have sex with her like that was it was like really [ __ ] up you know um yeah yeah like super [ __ ] up um like lying to someone to have sex with them is not consensual and is therefore assault manipulation can be assault and so it's just like you know informed consent you know informed enthusiastic consent that's what we're going for right going for lol that is the bar that that that should be the bar and is not depicted going for makes it seem like oh you know roughly around there you also okay you move through the whole episode very quickly we haven't gotten there yet i guess um yes but okay it's still in this topic though i guess i wanted to point out that like i feel this episode it's like something that i've been thinking about a lot lately and i feel like maybe people have noticed how i've been like these are not real people and i say that on this on this you know podcast because i feel like we do like kind of use these characters as a tool to like deconstruct um like different conversations they have and you know relationship dynamics and whatnot but i feel like at the same time i i struggle with finding that line between like like seeing like taking on that role of kind of just using this as like these are people let's use it in that sense but then also on the other side though having to analyze and critique the way that these characters have been constructed in actuality there's a person behind this that have created these characters and you know and in this case you know chris brown created this character and um and i guess like anyway this was like a an episode that really kind of like brought this home even further for me because it's sort of like like on the one hand if jade was like a real person i'd be like go for it dude like you do you but like because that's not a real person someone created it but we have to look at like how this person like this character was created to what end was this person created and depicted and what you know like how does that how do we consume that how do we then internalize that anyway i just needed to say that in this episode okay so yeah so the next scene where we're in monica and rachel's apartment um ross is on the phone they're basically just setting us up to tell us that julie's not around that's kind of all like she's not in town so that's the that's the setup but then um so that's why she's not like not at ross's birthday i guess that's what they're trying to set up for us like yeah okay um but then yeah so then chandler says to um rachel monica and joe uh rachel phoebe and joey that everyone owes him 62 for his birthday so 62 in 1995 is actually 107 today so that's actually whoa are you serious yeah that's something really that's inflation yeah i looked it up 62 u.s in 1995 is 107 today well at least on the one website i looked it up if i'm wrong correct me again send us an email i guess that makes sense yeah that's a lot of money yeah it's a lot of money um and then there is this like moment where everyone is like are you sure you're not rounding up from like 20 and it is one of those situations where right away it's it's shown that like they i i guess i'm kind of confused like did they already discuss that this is what they were gonna do for the birthday and then didn't realize how expensive it was gonna be and then it happened or like what were the conversations that were had you know what i mean like or was it a good point because it was like oh yeah like let's buy ross concert tickets maybe like all they agreed to was the concert and they didn't think that there would also be a present and a cake involved and so they were like oh expecting the like at least relatively expensive cost of the concert but not necessarily the cost of like the cake and everything else that goes with it as well yeah and yeah i think this is like a fairly common thing that can happen in these situations right it's like one person brings up hey maybe we should go do this for this person's birthday and people are like yeah i would like to do that and that person that money is not as much of a big deal kind of like then takes on running with it even if like the other people hadn't actually fully thought it through and then just like assumes that these other things are needed to be tacked on and it assumes that everyone would be on board because financially it's okay for them and so like and doesn't have like that like didn't think through the process of like oh other people might not want that you know like might not be able to afford that um yeah and so you know like i definitely have been in these kind of situations where it's like oh frigg like i didn't realize this you know and and it can be really hard if you're not in a situation where the people that you are doing this with are open to talking about money or or just like that you have a lot of internalized shame and don't want to share that you know yeah for sure for sure um yeah okay so then eventually chandler runs off with ross they're gonna go meet jade in the coffee shop uh groceries gross we'll get to that in a second but um so then it's just phoebe joey and rachel in the room and rachel like kind of tentatively brings it up with the other two in the way that like you're not really like she can tell that like you can tell that she's not really sure how they're gonna react and she's like like do you guys ever get the feeling that they don't really get how much money we make so like the way that she's bringing this up you could tell like it's the first time that they're talking about it between the three of them um so like that's just like the start of their conversations around it and then they kind of get really funny in which they're like making fun of ross and they're like for us for ass they're like not really making fun of ross but just like this like super petty i love it it's like they're just like kind of annoyed in the situation they don't really know how to handle with it handle it so they're just like picking whatever they can pick on you know um yeah and then obviously monica walks in and she got a promotion at work um but she ran into joey and ross uh sorry chandler and ross in the hall and they're gonna go someplace nice i think this is like such a perfect set up where they're like it's always something you know like yeah always go somewhere it has to be someplace nice and then monica comes in and says let's go someplace nice yeah just so perfect yes yeah so i find this episode actually like very funny and like there's parts of it that like really annoy me that they're so funny because i'm laughing at something that i really think is horrible but in this case it's just funny yeah the script the script is good in this episode like in turn like the dialogue i should say the dialogue is good in this episode yeah so so essentially then we move down and we're in the cafe right mm-hmm yeah oh wait actually sorry i want to point something out before we go into the next scene um about the last scene so two things one is that rachel asked them she's like what are you guys doing for dinner tonight and then joey is like well like since we have to pay so much money for the birthday like i guess just staying at home and eating dust bunnies and it's just so funny because like he's literally in the middle of eating food as she asks him what they're doing for dinner and i just think it's like the classic portrayal of like joey always eating which i think is great um and then another thing i want to point out is phoebe's shirt it kind of looks like um like a bunch of articles are like put together like newspaper articles are like is the fabric it's a very weird shirt but i'm kind of into it i don't know how i feel about it but yeah anyways i wanted to point that out i wanted to point it out because in the next scene jaden is wearing a great dress is it is it made of articles i don't know but it kind of looks like similar like it's like it looks like it's made out of a bunch of photographs like it's kind of weird too like i say great but like it's great in the 90s and i would never ever put it on me ever but like obviously she looks great like she looks like a babe jade is super hot super into jade um except the fact that she's crying because this person who she thought was supposed to meet her stood her up um so like okay yeah like thing one you know like basically just like emotionally hurt this person you know like that's what the you know like like chandler what the frick are you doing like like she's literally nothing to him except for sex but like first of all so they're sitting in the cafe and like chandler's they're like sussing her out you know like they're there and like ross has been a voice of reason but i also like there's a part sorry i said question mark like yeah he's been well i mean he's like being a voice of reason part of me is like you know some of his reasoning is bob might be the person she's meant to be with and i'm kind of like first of all like that's not really a thing yeah that's that's what i meant by the questionable part because like oh he's not he's not really like you shouldn't do this because this is like really harmful to this woman's psyche and like sexual salty he's like you shouldn't do this because like bob you know yeah no exactly yeah it's and it's weird yeah yeah it's like he's trying to i mean he did call chandler pure evil earlier but like like i would say that like you know like if your friend is about to do something like this you know it's not about bob it's not about like you know some sort of fairy tale ending it's not you know like like this is your friend is about to like take part in like sexually assaulting someone you know like and like that's serious like like ross should be doing more essentially you know yeah like okay i wanna give i wanna give some room here okay like i wanna give room to the fact that like and and this is not giving excuses it's just giving room in the sense that like the ways in which we have conversations around consent are very very different now than they were 25 years ago when this episode came out so like i do not think that an episode like this would have been written today and i i think that like the way in which ross takes these steps i think that that is the most that you could ask for someone from 1995 like like and and again i'm not like excusing it i'm just saying like we just did not have these conversations in the ways that we're having them now yes and no like he also very directly takes part in hiding what chandler is doing from everyone else you know like chandler is keeping this from everyone else and ross like respects that you know like you know how many times in this series do like these six friends like just like shame each other publicly and humiliate each other for like little things that they they do or things that they don't agree with that they're doing um and like here ross is just sort of being like sneaky about it oh you're doing this quote-unquote like kind of like sneaky thing like okay you know but i do think like it's it like i don't think that anyone's denying that what chandler is doing is wrong like chantler knows that what he's doing is wrong but i think that the conversations around it is more along the lines of like this is mean as opposed to this is sexually sexual assaulty do you know what i mean like i know those conversations are are the big difference you know yeah definitely like they have evolved um but yes no i i agree with you um they have evolved but we do like also need to acknowledge that like ross should be doing more also he should know more you know like like just because it was 1995 doesn't mean you know like yeah yeah no totally totally yeah um so then yeah so so chandler even straight up says the line i could never get a girl like this with conventional methods so in the sense that like he is very clearly aware of the fact that he's manipulating this situation in non-conventional methods in order also like like just like the wording like convent like getting and methods like what the frig are you talking about which is like and what you're talking about is like things like you know pickup artists yeah which is where yeah i wanted to bring that conversation in a little bit like you know like the book the game that was really popular like what like 10 years ago you know like um that like like a book that's entirely written as like a like a manual for men essentially to like prey on women and yeah and specifically manipulation tactics to like yeah in order to like get women to sleep with you and specifically negging in the sense that like offering like basically giving this isn't quite nagging in the sense of like the in the traditional way we see so negging being the idea of like giving someone kind of like a negative compliment in the sense like you're kind of like insulting her but like you're the one that's like tolerating it like you're the one that's gonna date her even though like she has these negative qualities sort of thing but like specifically in the realm of like like him he he is setting her up to be um to be hurt like he is setting up the situation so she is vulnerable so she is um sad so she's sitting there thinking wow this guy who like i really like who i thought i was meeting straight up is just not showing up so like he's he's basically like insulting her without her knowing that he's the one insulting her and it also makes me think of like what would happen if like he went down to the coffee shop and he didn't find her attractive like would he have just like walked away like like it's just like what what is your plan chandler like it's just really really [ __ ] up but anyways okay yeah let's go to the next yeah and um yeah so their next scene they're at the restaurant mm-hmm yeah and they're they're cheersing and monica keeps adding things to the cheer scene and um one thing i pointed out is that you'll notice that chandler so uh ross has a beer monica has wine and the three other ones have water that they're choosing yeah i did notice that yeah that was so they have they have this server show up and i i i have weird feelings about this server like i i don't know what they're trying to say like like he's supposed to be like hoity-toity but it's just like i guess it's just like are servers ever really hoity toity like this portrayal of what i look like kayla said in our watch party where um kayla is one of our patrons and uh she was like you know when i was a waiter i wish i could have been that rude to clients and gotten away with it you know and it's so true because i've i've also been like waited on tables and i've worked extensively in the customer service realm and it's just like you can't like this is like an unrealistic character and i don't know if like that's where the humor is in it um you know like especially at a fancy restaurant like this um yeah like it's not gonna say it's not to say that like there aren't root servers like there's definitely room servers just like those rude people like rudeness exists regardless of your profession but like in the sense of like there is this like weird thing where like servers are people too but like actually though treat them nicely but actually but like it's it's just kind of weird how the whole conversation of the episode is about like basically classism and like financial disparity and yet they're portraying this person who is serving on them like as being the one who thinks he's above them like it's just like it's kind of like the writer didn't read the room yeah so whatever like let's let's leave him behind because i feel like we've just got way too much to talk about yeah um we're like trying to power through this we're like okay we're gonna do this in 45 minutes we're at 48 guys yeah it's just it was just too much to talk about this episode honestly but like um we are talking a lot about every aspect of this episode but um yeah no okay so then the server okay so chandler walks in he's like kind of whispering to ross behind the menu as if exactly can block out sound it doesn't make any sense i mean i do think that it's maybe like more effective because we're actually whispering kind of you know like or like speaking it's in very much insinuated that they're speaking a lot more softly behind menus and i think that that is much more realistic than let's say you know when they're speaking in the kitchen and basically yelling at each other in the kitchen and the people in the living room are not supposed to be able to hear you know because it's the same room fair fair but still sitting on the table it's like i guess like if it's a loud restaurant but like doesn't feel like it's a loud restaurant because it's a fancy restaurant i don't know like it just feels like better so yeah also it's more comical and i like it so all right sure it's i'm also thinking like it's just like one of those classic ways that like friends do that sitcoms do that a lot where like they try to have two conversations in the same scene and it's like um yeah anyways so yeah so they they finally basically bring up so obviously rachel phoebe and joey order like nothing kind of foods um and then uh and then yeah and and also chandler being sarcastic with like the waiter just rubs me the wrong way again in these like conversations around financial disparity we get the ending of this sort of scene in which um they're they're kind of like splitting up the bill which like we asked i think do you ask in our polls if you do this with your friends because like i have never gone out for dinner with a friend and had us like ha split the bill by the number of people that are there like you always just pay for what you bought like what is this is this a rich people thing i don't know um look i mean like they're um yeah i think that okay so i have been in those sort of situations i think it's really shitty when you don't realize in advance and it is usually people who like money is less of an issue um kind of thing i i think that like in general that like if you are to do that like people should talk about it beforehand you know what i mean um like i've definitely been in situations where it's like people are there and they're like ordering like appetizers and then kind of being like oh you know like we'll just order these and then we'll just split the whole bill and it's just like and you're just kind of like um no okay i would never order an appetizer at this restaurant that's so funny yeah um but you know like you kind of don't really want to do say anything um but right yeah and then okay so like i will give them credit for the fact that like it was 1995 and like now i think i put this no in the watch party but like pos systems now point what are they called point of service systems i guess like allow you to naturally split up the bill so like i think it's a lot easier for like a server to split up the bill um yeah so i can and very often like restaurants will have a policy that like over you know insert amount of people here like over five people they're not going to do individual bills per person it'll be on one tab right and yeah like and that is out of respect of like i actually like when i see that at restaurants i usually feel like that is them trying to help out their servers because when you start having parties of like 13 people and it's very often that like you know someone will be too drunk and duck out and then you didn't get someone for um you know that that thing or the you know someone argues that like one thing wasn't theirs and you know like and it's just like it gets complicated and you know having a restaurant having that kind of policy is really just to like help support the servers because groups large groups of people are just annoying i'm sorry i got mildly distracted and i'm gonna keep this on the podcast because right now looking out my window there is a very very cute dog and he has fashioned himself so he is behind the curtains and looking out the window so the curtains are behind only his head but the rest of his body is behind the curtains and he has his eyes closed and his face pressed against the glass and i took a picture and he is a very cute doggo and i will post it on our facebook stories or our instagram stories okay can we post it as like a post that will be there forever okay yes sure he is very cute um okay distracted mildly um it was a good distraction it was worth it um so what i did ask on our polls is are you able to have conversations around finances and what activities you can afford with your friends or close family and 89 said yes so i'm actually like really happy to hear that um yeah yeah like i remember a little while back probably like i think it was two christmases ago um like we actually got into kind of a conversation around this about gift buying um in which we actually kind of go through this every year to be honest but like specifically we had said we were gonna get like play tickets for our parents and then it was like a big stress because we were like okay well then like are we buying for partners as well to come and then like so are we like now splitting the cost for the partners or do partners have to pay for their tickets and like it was just like this really intense thing that got kind of messy and we kind of like all agreed on something but not everyone felt comfortable with it and it was just like this big mess in which we ended up spending so much money and it was like super stressful and i was like so overwhelmed because it was at a time when like i was like having one income and supporting a partner and like or my partner and it was like just like really intense and yeah so i think like we've been down that road i find it interesting throughout this episode that like rachel like there's no conversation at all about the fact that like rachel grew up in a place of privilege you know like rachel had the opportunity opportunity to have a [ __ ] ton of money um and then like she was basically like i think we talked about this in in the first episode of the show in which like she's basically manipulated by her father into coming back into the family by saying that like he'll buy [ __ ] for her and then she is like i don't want to come back to the family basically and like and i don't want to be a hat daddy yeah but like and so she ends up being like basically cut off completely financially um after never having worked a job before in her life um and i i do think it's interesting that like so she she lived her entire life with financial privilege you know and i do think like at the that there is something to be said and i think we've had conversations around this before around like the difference between being broke and being poor like um specifically when it comes to white wealth like white wealth is one of those things that's like generational and is accrued because of like literally you know owning people specifically owning slaves and it's like that wealth was accrued over centuries and has been continuously passed down to other white people in the ways that it's not passed down to people of color um and so like i think that there is something to be said about rachel's wealth um and stuff like that and so like her at any point in time if ever she was in a rough predicament she could probably turn to her family no problem um i i do think that that is like important to be said and i i think that probably could be said about joey too but it couldn't be said about phoebe phoebe does not have family you know what i mean phoebe is like does not have the opportunity ever to turn to family for money like she just doesn't no i think that that like you're making a really good point um i mean i i hear what you're saying with rachel but i actually think that maybe at this point in the show like because she's in like an all or nothing situation it's like yes her general safety is probably intact like she would never be homeless like she could go to her family but i don't think she's in a situation where it's like oh i can't make ends meet maybe i can borrow some money from my parents um you know to help buffer the situation because i think in some ways like she's been a little bit like um like shunned like like you know she was given a bit of an ultimatum right um and you know what yeah later on in this season well we find out the end of this episode so it's not a spoiler that monica gets uh is fired but later on in the season they do explore par like being broke again in a very specific way when it comes to monica and the ways in which she handles that so maybe we could go down that road when we get there a little bit um but yeah so so maybe we can put a little pin when it comes to that like money is like a difficult issue and then we also have to recognize that like our experience of money like us like not just us two but like just in general as a as a people out there that like your experience of money is not necessarily representative of what other people's experience of money even if it's like you are just as broke as someone right now you know like um you know like the way that phoebe when you know when phoebe is broke versus uh you know joey being broke where it's like we know that joey has a big family who loves to feed him you know like there's a certain amount of like safety involved in that whereas like for phoebe there there is a lot less of that um and um and being broke has a much larger connotation to it yeah um when they find out that ross has split the bill six ways and then five because monica shouldn't pay it's her special night um then i forget who says it i think it's oh it's phoebe she goes nuh uh no way not gonna happen and then we get like this kind of rapey line from chandler where he's like oh prom night flashback um and it's just like what happened that night chandler i hope that you listened when she said nuh uh no way not gonna happen so let's hope she did let's hope he did listen and he walked away and everything went well um i don't know with other perspective of this episode or with this episode of context who knows yeah um but yeah so then rachel says like she doesn't really want to talk about it because it's like gonna make people uncomfortable um and then we we get like a line that i honestly think just sums up privilege in a really really great way yeah and it's what it's like it is it's the perfect line it's the perfect line ross says i guess i never think of money as an issue and then rachel replies that's because you have it and that's just like the definition like i never really think of race as an issue that's because you're white like i never really think of like homophobia as an issue because you're straight like like that is just the definition of privilege like if you don't have to think about these things on a daily basis it's probably because like you don't hold a marginalized identity in that area you know it's just it's interesting that and i i think that that piece of writing is really good um but i actually appreciate that like ross listens to that and he's like good point you're right um so like that's good chandler is really not cool in this in this scene um and so he basically is like oh well like maybe we should we wouldn't do we won't do the whole ross hoopla thing um and he was like well we were gonna do a concert and then other things yeah chandler really shouldn't have shared that information with ross you know you could have had a very successful conversation around this without actually having shared that aspect and i feel like the rest of the episode would have gone a lot differently because like it's like like bringing that in just sort of makes it seem like you you didn't actually want it to not happen you know yeah like totally it's like chandler wanted to do this thing and was kind of annoyed and so therefore like was like brought it up so that it's just like it's a very weird thing for chandler to do and i just think i know we don't normally like nominate worst friend of the episode but like chandler definitely gets worse friend of the episode 100 i want to nominate chandler is the worst friend of the episode um oh my god yeah he's the worst okay but then yeah oh my god i don't know how we're going to nominate best friend of this episode um yeah so then okay so then they like next scene basically monica apartment yeah and monica has brought home five steaks and an eggplant for phoebe which is very cute um and it's kind of like they have a cute little skit yeah it's so good chandler says it was better in the hall i refuse to believe that um[Music] i think it was pretty great then and there yeah i think chandler was just a little embarrassed yeah fair um and then yeah and so obviously monica got these from like the meat supplier i guess i think that's important for later um they switched meat suppliers at work and she got like these free steaks quote-unquote free steaks yeah and and then essentially these three have decided they basically like end up buying the tickets and basically arranging so that they can have like a fancy meal and uh without you know their friends having to pay for it um but then they also go ahead and buy the tickets and basically like we're just gonna give these to you yeah which like it's totally understandable like why they thought this was a good idea yeah read i'm all for redistribution of wealth i'm into it okay yeah and so like this is actually something where like i kind of like wanted to have a conversation about like the idea of like charity in like really like money relationship dynamics versus like redistribution of wealth um and like closing the wealth gap um with your friends and it's like because the thing is is that like yes we need to like respect people and um and it can end up feeling depending on the types of relationships you have with each other and the types of like conversations around money that exist like someone just being like oh well i'm just going to pay for this for you can feel like um charity or demeaning and um that's that's okay if you you know feel that way but also we i think we need to recognize in our world that like just because you don't have money doesn't mean that you're not working as hard and it doesn't mean that you do not deserve things you know and and i think that um we need to create more space in relationships where um part of our like you know friend dynamics and community dynamics are more malleable for us to be able to have these openings where it's like oh well if i'm inviting you to do this thing that i know is like out of your budget um like i'm willing to pay that money or if we're going to all go in on a gift and i have this idea for a gift i know that i probably have more money or i'm more more willing to put in more money than i can be like well i'll pay this and then you guys pay um like i'll buy it and then whatever you guys want or can afford to put in you guys throw in and i will make up that gap you know like certain things like that where it's like um it allows for the you know the reality that like not everyone is making the same money amount of money and things should be scaled as such you know yeah totally yeah so like it's it's a fine line because of the fact that like i do think that there is this like idea of like um capitalist pride like in the sense of like if you haven't made it yet it's because you're not working hard enough um and therefore accepting any quote-unquote handouts makes you like a lower person um and which is like where we get into a lot of like middle-class people shaming people who use food stamps or like people who get money from the government um and like it it becomes this instead of like middle class people being upset with the rich which is like actually what we need to be doing and taxing the rich and like instead we just have middle class who are like upset with poor people for like quote-unquote draining the system um so i i think that like there is this like pride thing that people need to get over when it comes to accepting um like uh financial help but it's also so sorry but also just this recognition that like that like this concept of like you need to do it on your own is not real you know like like people who are rich like the billionaires and the millionaires that exist today they didn't like it's literally just the few like bit like stories of like the you know capitalist dream of like that person who rose from like rags to riches in like in their one lifetime like those are like the very far and few between that exist the actual majority of people who have lots of wealth did not do it on their own and they did it by accumulating wealth throughout generations and also by continuously having help and support both financially and both like education wise from like like highly educated people who they were around and all these other aspects of having all these very um like uh advantageous resources at their disposal like that is how they got somewhere it this concept of being like you need to do it on your own or else you're not valuable that is false that doesn't exist like that no one has ever like quote on quote made it because that's something to deconstruct on its own by doing it on their own that's just not a thing like it is one of those things where it's like sometimes people are not making very much money but they can borrow money from a family member or a friend and then get out of the red and then get a college degree and then get a good job or whatever and like you know it is like even when you think that someone has like pulled themselves up from their bootstraps or whatever that shitty expression is like it's it's like there were 86 people pulling them up by their bootstraps you know like it it was multiple people yeah like making that happen and also like multiple privileged identities that can pull through as well you know like there's just like so many aspects that prevent people from accruing wealth and like it's just it's not a matter of did you work hard enough for this or did you not you know okay yeah so then moving on uh basically they're like this is not cool we don't really like that you have like bought these tickets for us and um it feels really uncomfortable like we don't feel good about this um and then they all have an argument uh rachel wears a great outfit this black t-shirt and like these beige-ish high-waisted shorts i'm super into it um and then ross is like we can't win with you guys um and then they like decide that they're gonna go to the concert without them um so they they end up at the concert everyone's like feeling kind of uncomfortable they don't really know how to deal with things um oh also i want to say that oh oh wait before they end up at the concert they're at chandler's apartment um and chandler uh they get a phone call right from jade he's like i just want to tell you that i had sex today oh my god you had sex today oh my god it's so much cooler when you say it yeah that's a good one it's this the storyline bothers me even more because i i think that the dialogue and the jokes in it are so funny yeah i think that chandler does a really good job at like his delivery of lines and his intonations that it's like every time i laugh i think it's freaking hilarious and that's like it's something that like really bothers me because then when i look at it in actuality like what what what we're actually laughing at it's it's anyway that's why we have this podcast continue yeah okay so then so chandler i want to say first that chandler is wearing a vest which is a terrible terrible vest i give it an f that vest fails but then he puts on a jacket that is on top of his vest and it's an a-plus jacket so i'm just like chandler figure it out your jacket is great your vest is terrible figure out your [ __ ] um okay yeah so then i mean he'll never leave those vests though he like he's stuck on those vests such a best guy yeah so then she calls the answering machine to tell bob that she had sex today um and it was terrible yeah and okay first of all again like sure like it's just like i want to be like props to you girl for like sex positivity doing this it's just like i i can't even props her because i just feel like this whole situation is such a caricature you know i mean like like they've like made her out to be this like super horny like clearly male gazy character who like only exists for chandler at least like this is you know chandler getting what he deserves which is he just gets insulted and told that he just like has terrible sex which like was anyone surprised um and she says that he was nothing compared to bob and that she had to bite her lip to prevent herself from calling out bob's name and weird like yeah and i also like want to point out that like if you are just using someone for sex for yourself then yeah i'm not surprised like if this person was literally like basically both like a blow up doll and like a game that you won then like yeah you probably were bad at sex you know what i mean yeah yeah exactly uh you're having yeah yeah anyway um so he was bumpy which is a really hilarious thing um yeah also like does anyone else want to have sex with bob because it sounds like he knows what he's doing um no i'm kidding like the fact that she calls him the fact that she calls him three times because she had such a good night with him like i'm like yo bob how you doing exactly it's yeah anyways we're at the concert we're at the concert um so also this is the exact same set that they were in when they went to go see joey in the play just saying same like red curtains behind them um so they're having the concert starts um they're the other ones are guessing what joey's fingers are behind his back everyone's feeling shitty having a shitty ass night except when the concert starts then um chandler uh ross and monica have a great ass time at their fancy concert um and they meet little stevie fisher at the end who monica used to babysit yes so okay wait first of all i want to point out that um i asked the question have you ever left a concert after it started because i feel like it's just a very unlikely thing you know when they're like sitting there and they're like we should leave like lol um anyway 32 percent of people said they have not 68 percent said that they left um no sorry that they that they didn't they've never left a concert after it started okay that's interesting maybe like i don't know if it's like the same thing if it's like you've paid that much money for the tickets i don't know whatever who knows um it kind of depends on the kind of concert but anyways okay irrelevant um not the point so here we have little david dave davey fisher who uh turns out monica used to babysit him and uh after inviting them back to like meet the band they're like walking on the way there and he's like hey were you one of the babysitters that fooled around with my dad which like it's like it's very intense um but you know kind of being like thrown out there randomly um which i don't even know how to start deconstructing it there but let's can we flip to the next scene yeah sure where where then um you know at the beginning of this scene you know monica says that you know tells rachel that she ran into davey fisher and and rachel is like hey did you know how is his dad doing and there's like almost this implication that like rachel i don't know it's it's like it's very suggestive this joke and it's supposed to imply that that like that rachel fooled around with her dad that with rachel folder on with stevie's dad and it's like it's this weird thing in which like monica is kind of like weirded out by rachel but monica should be like weirded out by stevie's dad um like in the context of like this in yeah like the context of like this entire episode i feel like especially like looking back at my younger self like in how i was like you know internalizing this i definitely kind of thought it like there was like this internal like oh rachel like weirded out by rachel you know like that's sort of what this creates when in actuality you know if you're a teenager and you know this dad is fooling around with like multiple babysitters like like monica should be having a conversation with rachel in that like hey like are you okay you know like like what happened there like do you want to talk about this you know like that's yeah because it's also okay so it should be said that in the last episode like in the last season the one with the ick factor we find out that monica is 26. so let's just say that she's had a birthday since then and let's just give her the fact that she's 27 which means that rachel monica are the same age so let's say rachel is 27 okay this that's being generous because she might be 26 but yeah let's say rachel's 27 okay and this little stevie fisher is was eight-year-old eight years old then yeah but before that he's a lawyer right he that's one thing we didn't mention he's the lawyer for hoodie and the blue fish so if he's a lawyer that means he has to be at least at least what 22-23 like minimum right yeah it's like he can't be that different of an age like let's say like he was eight and then maybe they were like 13 because that's like the youngest i'm just trying to create the age difference because they're like it's the first season like the second season they're not that old yeah they're 27. right so like yeah like at most and so like maybe there's like a five-year age difference between them like i think the earliest that you could be like a lawyer out of law school like you couldn't be younger than 22. yeah like it it makes no sense so they're like five years different so he's he was eight yeah which means 13 like that's like [ __ ] gross like [ __ ] up either the writers like the writers just didn't calculate this joke i don't think like they didn't yeah clearly like i think they were like trying to imply that like maybe they were like 17 you know like but it's like even if they were 17 like it could also be a situation where like she's like you can't be like you know a lawyer you're eight because like you know you like you've babysat people and you always think they're younger than they actually are like that big joke of like oh you're like only eight years old you know so like maybe they were like maybe rachel was like 17 and and he was 12. you know like but you don't really get babysat when you're 12 maybe you do i don't know like it's just like a whole awkward situation and it's just like a kind of weirdly written joke that like implies that like a child fooled around with his dad and like even if she was at the age of consent it doesn't remove the fact that there's like a very real power dynamic when you are hiring a babysitter and paying them money so it's like i just have like this right okay sorry i'm gonna interrupt you because i just having like this moment of like and i hope this is more like this is what i want to see this as now like so he's a lawyer now right and i kind of like just want to hope that maybe he's inquiring like hey are you the ones that fooled around my dad because he's trying to put together a class action suit against against that oh my god i don't want to talk about this anymore i just want that to be what we finish with that is that is what actually is happening in this situation stevie fisher wants to sue his dad and wants to rally all the women who were sexually assaulted by his dad when they were children and that is why he is asking oh beautiful i love this new i love it seriously i feel like we just need to start writing some fan fiction for this show yeah that's true into that okay parallel universe of friends okay oh man so okay now they're still having an argument again about you know the fact that they went to the concert and i don't particularly care to get into a conversation as to like who was right are they do they have is it valid for them to be upset like i don't know it is kind of weird like like yeah we don't really have to get into it but like i do find it awkward that like like they ultimately yeah they set it out of anger but they were like just go to the concert like we don't have to do everything together like you can't then turn around and be like well like why did you go to the concert we just stayed at home and like watch joey's fingers like first of all they have tv they could have done something different you know like like that that's not a valid complaint like you can't get mad at your friends for like but it it's like i get that it's like not cool that they decided to do this thing where they go to the concert and like um it's more nuanced yeah it's like more comp like it's not one in like you can't see it in isolation it's like a it's a bigger thing right that's happening and and so like i understand the emotion like the feelings about it but like again kind of like to circle back around to what we were talking about at the beginning of this episode is that like nothing actually gets concluded because what happens next is that they're talking about again they're arguing and then they get interrupted because monica gets a phone call and it turns out that she's being fired from some strange corporate policy um that that she couldn't get like a tip off by a supplier which like um you know like lol the restaurant industry like i guess she was working at a really great place but it's just like lol restaurant industry is like it's so rare that you have a corporate policy and that's why like it's one of like the toughest and like most excruciating place like workplaces to like have a career in because it's like not regulated and you know there's so much under the table but anyway but she couldn't like okay you can't say like she works at a decent place because a decent place would have given her a warning like i've like yeah i know yeah like i've worked at restaurants before in which i've been given a warning for doing something that was like you know not cool and like they don't just like unless it's massive they don't just fire you on the spot and like clearly she did not mean to make this error like it's it feels like a just any random excuse to like have this storyline like it just kind of like obviously it was just like someone in the writer's room was like okay let this makes sense be it and you know like and if you get fired randomly like this without a warning like this is something that like should you should be looking into and and like like clearly there's like another reason that you're not being told like the amount of energy and time that an employer has to go through to like hire and train someone and she's been there for so long like there's something there's something off here but anyway yeah unless like she could have signed a contract and just didn't read the contract and like that's kind of on her but like still like there's just people should not be [ __ ] it's just kind of what the conclusion should be um but yeah anyways but it's just yeah it's just interesting because like they're in this middle of this conversation they get interrupted monica is now fired and it sort of feels like the solution to this this whole situation was that before it was divided you know 50 50 you know like you had like you know three friends who did not have a lot of money and uh or like money to spend on outings and whatnot and then you know the other three friends that had you know a very solid income and then now it's it's just two against four which means that like the solution was that now everyone now there's a lot more weight behind doing less extravagant things and that was the solution you know you just have more people in the same situation which is like really like i mean it's it yeah they they don't they're very strange yeah they do get into like monica being broke later on in the season and like they explore that arc a little bit which like i'm for but they don't ever come back to the conversation around like the financial disparity between friends like it's just it's a weird thing that they never come back to um yeah yeah and like it is weird that they're just like yeah so problem solved monica just needed to get fired for them to like resolve it i i do think like what they're trying to show is like it doesn't matter how angry they are when like a friend is experiencing something shitty they all rally together which like i did appreciate that you know it was kind of like this moment of like okay let's put our like anger and frustrations and arguments aside to like comfort and support our friend in this moment like i was i was all for that i'm down for that but um i do think like they do need to resolve it hopefully they resolve it not on screen and we just weren't privy to that conversation um yes and i do feel like that in some ways a lot of these things are implied that's the case but right anyway who do you think is the best friend of the episode em okay wait first we have to talk about the final scene which is when um jade is calling again again right a third time in this very unrealistic portrayal of a situation jade calls a third time and then um joey goes to jump up the couch and apparently i was reading fun fact of the episode joey is actually supposed to pick up the phone and say bob here in the same way that chandler did at the beginning of the episode but he accidentally fell off the couch and so they decided to just keep that in so oh that's so good yeah so i i was i was for that i was like ah nice into it so yeah joey didn't joey falling off the couch was not scripted and it's so much better karma you know into it um okay who do you think is best friend of the episode um all right so i think it's hard to say like i'm leaning towards phoebe or rachel yeah i agree i think and it's not because they did anything particularly good it's just that they didn't do anything particularly bad i mean i i no i think i'm leaning towards rachel and phoebe because like these conversations are hard conversations to have and yeah like being the ones to like throw your hat in the ring and like you know initiate these conversations like if you know i yeah like i would say like phoebe probably because she was the one that really really took it on you know and rachel didn't really want to talk about it which i think that's just like that's just something that just builds passive aggression and resentment in like friendships so yeah right uh phoebe like definitely did take it on oh my god actually i want to change the way we do this segment and i want to just like start nominating anyone outside of the six group of friends and i want to nominate stevie fisher in the alternate universe in which he is going after his dad and supporting all the women who are sexually assaulted by his dad that is the alternate universe best friend of the episode oh alternate universe so thank you for joining us my name is emily you can find me on instagram at emilybyyyoga or on my website www.emilybyoga.com and you can find me at quinncaybarina.com or at mindbodywithquinn or the basic and b on instagram although i seem to be changing my handles so go to quinnkeptune.com yeah i feel like i'm gonna change my handle soon too so whatever just keep listening to the podcast um if you are a fan of the pod and you want to support us um if you don't have monies because of capitalism very real then you can head on over to itunes and leave us a review um that would that will make more people find our podcast and it's also just really nice to read nice things about us it's very good for our ego um and you can send our send the podcast to a friend who you think would like it yeah and great way to support us and also if you head over to our patreon you can uh for any amount of money because we do not have uh tiers you can uh support us financially at any amount and have access to all the benefits yes which include uh weekly uh bi-weekly watch parties we also have bonus 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