02.04 The One Where Immigration Isn't So Simple

Let's explore "The One With Phoebe's Husband", which is the one where we find out Phoebe is married (gasp!) and also the one where we find out everyones little (or big) secrets, and Rachel attempts to stop Ross from having sex with his girlfriend.
As we make out way through the episode we discuss immigration, and the misguided ideas around its 'simplicity'. We fan hard over Phoebe's gorgeous outfit, and how there is a sweater that every queer owns at some point - and guess who's wearing it in this episode? And lets take dive in to the concept of 'coming out' and look at how this episode takes it for an interesting twist!

Follow What the Phalange?! on social media: @wtphalangepodcast
email: wtphlange@gmail.com

Emilie Brunet
www.emiliebyoga.com
insta: @emiliebyoga

quinn k brunet
insta: @quinnkbrunet or @mindbodywithquinn
www.quinnkbrunet.com

 PLEASE SUPPORT THE SHOW!
Donate on Patreon
Review us on Apple Podcasts
Share us w all of your FRIENDS on social media!

SOCIALIZE!
www.WhatThePhalangePodcast.com
WTPhalange@gmail.com
Twitter: @WTPhalangePod
IG: @WTPhalangePodcast

Emilie
Twitter: @ EmilieB__

Quinn
IG: @TheBasicNB or @FeministMassageTherapist
www.QuinnKBrunet.com

Salti Yoga Online Promo Code
Use our special SMELLYCAT promo code to get 25% off your first 3 months for yourself or as a gift!

Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.

Transcript

0:01

hi and welcome to what the phalange the podcast where we watch every episode of friends discuss it deconstruct it and fan over it one episode at a time my name is emily pronouns she and her and my name is quinn pronouns is easier or they them this week we're talking about season two episode three the one with phoebe's husband i'm singing it out now um this episode aired on october 12 1995 it was written by alexa young and directed by gail mancuso and before you say what this episode is about quinn i just want to mention that this is the first episode of friends in which it was both written and directed by a woman pretty this is this is pretty cool um so in this episode we meet phoebe's long-lost husband who we never knew she had uh the friends reveal some interesting secrets about each other including the fact that chandler has a third nipple or nubbin and joey was in a pornographic film and also lastly rachel tries to convince ross not to have sex with his girlfriend julie because she's too darn sad and jealous did you like my description that i wrote yeah that i read for the first time as i said i thought that was pretty good you know for you know yeah that was great i have a trouble reading so that was great that was excellent first take wonderful[Music] all right so this is basically to sum up the episode in which uh it's gay it's gay yeah um no i'm kidding there is i love like the whole concept in this episode in which they like mirror the trope of coming out to your partner um but making it straight and kind of flipping that on the head i think is like really great and i okay one thing i want to talk about okay i was going to say like don't go too far into it i know that's why i'm just saying that's the that's one thing i want to talk about today um can i tell you my other things i want to talk about yeah i assumed that you were on that train already i'm really super hyped right now i love it i'm hyped i'm hyped um it's just i love this episode honestly it's okay i also want to talk about porn let's talk about porn um and i want to talk about rachel manipulating ross and why it's not the same as ross manipulating rachel but that doesn't mean that it's okay that's what i'm gonna say until we come to it okay great um okay so i i also want to talk about porn um i also want to talk about the whole coming out parallel which i think is amazing um i kind of thought maybe you'd be the one to bring this up but i think we should touch on immigration a little bit um uh but then i i also wanna i want to talk about four things i also want to talk about rachel being manipulative um but uh i also want to talk about in like a little side bracket note i want to talk about uh chandler's sweater uh phoebe's dress um and i have reasons for that um and i also just want to talk about this first not the first scene like not the cold open actually the cold open too like i just want to talk a little bit about the script in this episode um just specifically like how [ __ ] funny this episode is and how like honestly i feel as though every single time we're like oh my god this episode is so funny who wrote this episode i feel like it's always alexa young so i don't know alexa you're making making things happen for us here big fan big fan big fan big fan um also i wanna like before we like head in i wanna like okay i don't know if you feel different but i feel like this is almost like a throwback to like when we first started the podcast because like we're like recording this episode and we haven't put out polls yet um and we haven't like engaged with with it actually for the first time we're doing it even although when we first started doing the podcast we would watch the episode like three or four times before we actually record it but we're doing this very fresh we're trying out something new and i just i don't know in some ways i find it like strange to be like doing this and be like i don't have poles in front of me um yeah but fear not we will still be um like integrating a little poll segment into this episode um so you will still get the poll results in this episode um but they just won't be intermixed into every single conversation we have like um like normal um so okay you kind of gave your first impression where you're like really hyped for this episode and you love it so much it's funny that you say that because like like i really love the first scene and i really love um like the the parallel like the queer parallel there but like overall like this and i guess like the the it pushes the storyline of like the love triangle along but like i don't actually like love this episode i feel like in the way that you know you're saying that you love this episode so i think i love this episode specifically for the writing i think the like writing is really good i think the acting is incredibly good in this episode um i love the way that like there's this intense body acting in this entire episode um and i i obviously i think i talked about that even last episode like how i just find that this show is really good at bringing like these characters aren't just saying their lines like they are in their roles in a way that i think like is not rare to see in an actor but it's just like shows how good an actor they really all are um and so i really like that aspect of the episode um and and like i'm not saying like like i wouldn't put this in like my you know top 10 favorite episodes but i just think there's some really really good moments um that are are great and i actually i i want like i'm looking forward to talking about this whole rachel thing because i think my opinion around rachel in this episode has evolved over the years um and yeah so okay so okay i'm looking forward to having let's just demonstration um yeah because i guess i feel like i haven't given myself enough time to actually like process i'm a slow i feel like i'm generally a bit of a slow processor to like give myself the time to like fully process out like the whole situation with rachel so i'm actually very curious to like have that conversation with you when it comes um yeah okay so so speaking of rachel yeah this this scene i die every time yeah laughing my butt off literally every time also like rachel is such a babe like so oh my god i know and this scene really drives it home and what i said in like because i've been trying to like find the right words for rachel because i feel like in last episode what i sort of pointed out was like you know um right when they were like up against like mr heckles at the door like rachel was kind of like being tough but also like you can tell that she's still like young and fresh at it you know like whereas like that changes over the ten season like she evolves um and i feel like this scene though helps me like articulate exactly what it is about rachel is that like she is like she will be freaked out and scared and like inexperienced as well in in coping with something but she will like do it anything happen and she'll make it happen and she'll do it with like with gumption you know what i mean like she'll show up for it and like i feel like that's exactly what's happening in this situation where there's like a pigeon flies through the window and lands on the kitchen table and she's like freaking out and she's like what do i do and she's like very resourceful grabs a pot and like her whole interaction with the pigeon i like i it just it just gets me every time like she's just so brave i think yeah i think it's great because like she's you see this like kind of double side of things where she's like okay i can handle the situation but like it does like okay i i don't know if this is going to sound weird but like she doesn't do like that classic trope where she like quote unquote mans up you know like this idea of like okay now i'm tough now you know like she's freaking out and she's like still very much rachel and like being very like oh my god oh my god oh my god like freaking out but she's still like handling the [ __ ] situation you know whereas like i think sometimes when you see like women get strong it's like they take on like almost quote-unquote masculine qualities yeah and by masculine and by masculine you kind of mean or what i'm assuming you mean is sort of like the masking of like any type of emotion like yeah like in the sense of like toxic masculinity is like not being allowed to have any emotions except for anger and so like this is like uh she you can still read how she's feeling and she's open about it but she's like she's gonna deal with it yeah exactly her poor mom on the phone with her though is so funny like her like it's a totally safe neighborhood everything's fine don't worry mom and then like panicking and hanging up i can't even imagine her mom in that scenario i know right oh it's so good so then we meet duncan and i just want to say a thing so little fun fact about duncan so he is played by steve zann or like his full name steven james zan um and this is the only scene in the episode in which duncan and another one of the friends besides phoebe interact right right and this um this is obviously with rachel and fun fact they go on um both of those actors so jennifer anderson and steve zann go on in 2008 to star in a movie together called management where they are in love in that movie so oh yeah just fun trivia fact yeah that's really interesting cool yeah and then obviously we get this great line from duncan where he's like he's like hey how did you do that like it's just like so impressed yeah i feel like just in that one line you just like totally fall in love with him too you're like oh you're so cute and pure yeah so good so sweet and i get why you uh i get why phoebe was in love with you or is in love with you yeah yeah um okay so yeah so then the next scene obviously everyone's in monica and rachel's apartment and they're like what how are you married what how did this happen like how do we literally never know this happened um you know and uh and then ross is like calls monica out on like her being judgmental which i think is kind of like the what's that expression the pot calling the kettle black the black or whatever yeah um yeah like this kind of like okay ross you are like the king of judgmental like this is a geller family thing yeah it's in your dna practically yeah exactly um also yeah i know i love how sorry duncan's from canada yeah so great it's like this like one sentence literally sums it up like it's like how can you be friend like whatever he's a friend and he's gay and he's from canada and he needed a green card like it was just like one sentence where you like summed up this whole plot in like one sentence for us listeners or watchers to like understand you know like we all get there like oh okay we now get it thank you[Laughter] um yeah and so and that with that in mind with the the phoebe mentioning like he needed a green card i guess maybe i just want to take a brief moment around like immigration to like point out the fact that like this this is like one of those things in tv that like does a thing and it makes it seem like it's not a big thing when really immigration is like the like it's not a casual thing it's not an easy thing yeah and specifically like marrying someone um yeah like applying for a green card from marine um as someone who can speak to this a little bit spent like what the last five years dealing with immigration yeah um so obviously our situation is very different um my partner is not gay um and he is not from canada and he is um and and he wasn't just a friend um so obviously it's a very different scenario but i think that like it's important to make note of the fact that like i think this is a common trope um and not just like in television but like in life in general where when someone like finds out that someone's being deported they're like oh well why don't you just marry him like you know like nbd it's no big deal just get married you know um like first of all it's like a federal crime to get married to someone um in order to get them a green card which is messed up and shouldn't be a federal crime um because you know people should be allowed to immigrate to like places you know and yeah uh especially when we're like took part in like the destruction and um deep stabilizing out of like other governments yeah um but anyways that's a story for another time um but yeah no so like this idea that like oh why don't you just like get married why don't you just like you know it's no big deal like i think is this really um a really harmful trope um because it makes it sound like the immigration process is just like a quick like you know signing of a couple of papers and snap your fingers and boom you know you've gotten your green card or whatever um so yeah it's not that it's a long process it's a it's an incredibly invasive process as someone who can speak from experience um you know and elias and i didn't even have to deal with the worst of it um there's just a lot worse situations[Music] um and like uh just like you basically have to convince a bunch of people who do not know you never actually speak to you like literally never even get on the phone and speak to you so you are convincing someone through a variety a series of photos a series of receipts and a few letters that you and your partner are in love it's like a really [ __ ] up process and really destroys the people who are in it um in a lot of ways and so yeah that's all i'm gonna say about it because it's too much yeah no that's totally fair and and i also like want to point out like so with the trope of like oh you should just get married um like i think a few years ago i think the movie was called like the proposal uh with ryan what's his name ryan brian reynolds ryan reynolds what a baby and sandra bullock yeah and sandra also babe um but um yeah i i guess i also want to point out like also the like systems at play that cause like basically white privilege like most of the time or what can be seen as white privilege essentially uh where it's sort of like you know like u.s to canada to europe you know um immigration is substantially a lot easier uh then like yeah because they can they can just enter each other's country in general without needing any kind of visa like you can go visit the united states without even blinking an aisle you know and and well not now during coven but before like you don't require a visa whereas many many many many countries especially countries that are not white require visas even to just enter just to visit canada u.s europe et cetera yeah and not to mention like having like absurd amounts of money in your bank account to be allowed to have that visa and like different things like that which just make um you know moving around very inaccessible and the amount of privilege that we have as people like we are you know have passports that say canada on it and it's sort of like what the kind of privilege that we have to move around um yeah yeah yeah totally um it's also yeah it also should be mentioned the fact that like um the immigration process is incredibly different when you're like a white person um you know partnering with a white person um and getting married and going through that process as opposed to one of you being a person of color it's just a lot more of an invasive process and you never know if the person you know reading the name on your file it's like i don't like this person because their name sounds too whatever you know yeah so there's you never know what kind of racism is involved because you literally never speak to someone at all in person throughout the entire freaking process so it's a really isolating and overwhelming experience and not to be taken lightly um so yeah okay but that being said i still love this[Laughter][Music] yeah this part of the episode yeah it's just like of all the people who would marry someone in order to help them get into the country it would be phoebe like a hundred percent this is oh yeah right like she's just like she's an incredible human who like wants to make sure this person feels like they have a home that they can come to and like it's great like i just think it's amazing that she does this you know so um it's just obviously maybe we can talk about this like the she obviously does this for him because she's in love with him you know um and he doesn't feel that way about her um and so that like that obviously puts it's an interesting concept because i think that this is a very relatable thing for people to like go above and beyond someone who they're in love with even though they know that person doesn't love them back um and this kind of hope of holding on to the potential idea that maybe they could love them too you know which can be really harmful um so yeah i think that's relatable at least yeah i think it's totally relatable um and just to like actually draw a parallel of another uh platform doing this uh in a kind of a different way but also this a similar situation in a lot more detail like an actual storyline in the plot happens in jane the virgin as well we've mentioned jane the virgin a few times during this podcast but essentially it talks like that show talks a lot about immigration uh in this in the us specifically and um anyway i think that they they execute it quite quite well um but in this situation where it's like i don't know i i'm just gonna put it out there but like the benefit like canada like needing a green card to work in the states and you're from canada like i i feel like there could have been a fair amount of easier ways to like manage it than than like marrying a friend who is in love with you i don't know just a thought um i don't know maybe he didn't know that she was in love with him right i don't know i think do you think that because i feel like from from the conversation i kind of pick up that maybe he was aware of that hmm i don't know i don't know like honestly like regardless if it's canada to us like immigration is really awful and terrible so like i understand why people do what they need to do so oh yeah totally yeah i'm like i don't care like right you know what i mean like what you gotta do survive do what you gotta do you know um but anyways so yeah so in this episode we also find out that phoebe momentarily broke her vegetarianism from sadness and as someone who has been vegetarian for 12 years and also broke my vegetarianism from sadness this is relatable yeah poll question have you broken your vegetarianism from sadness um but anyways yeah i find that it's so funny how fun bobby gets mentioned here because i feel like he gets mentioned so much in this show but like is only in like a few episodes for a very brief amount of time i know it's so interesting how it's like he's continuously mentioned and friends doesn't actually have the best continuity um in it but there's certain things that it's kind of funny like like fun bobby is a piece of continuity that does exist um and meanwhile the literally two times that we ever meet fun bobby he is not fun bobby he's sad i know i love that it's so great um okay yeah so secrets start spilling out here every which way yes so monica apparent apparently there's like perma underwear on a telephone wire outside that's monica's see that is something that i probably wouldn't want people to know um whatever that's fine i mean it's one thing if it's like gonna be there for 24 hours it's one that it's like if everyone has to stare at it for like the next 10 years of their life um but then we find out because chandler gave away that about monica um she gives away the fact that apparently he has a third nipple or a nubbin a nubbin which is like so as we've mentioned before i you know we didn't actually like watch watch this show as it was coming out right um but like i would like catch episodes here and there very rarely and or like reruns and i feel like this is like a thing that is like universally known about chandler's character you know what i mean like it's like like mentioned here and there in different episodes and like it's just it just stays it's just no matter how much you watch friends you possibly know he has a third nipple or you likely know it yeah yeah no it's it's it's interesting i actually have no idea like the medical reasons why someone would have a third nipple um but you know bodies do weird things and bodies have different things happening to them and they're still good bodies regardless of what they look like yeah i'm just gonna think just gonna throw that out there and then we find out that joey was in a porno kind of sort of yeah um this scene when they're all like sitting on the couch and looking up at joey like little kids like being told a story is so good like they're all just like kind of jumping all over the furniture in this scene like again this body acting that's incredible like you know first joe ross is jumping on the couch and he's like whip it out whip it out talking about chandler's nipple and then the the scene shifts and now rachel is standing on the coffee table and she's so excited you know like it's just like this moment of like flipping things around and this this energy that comes from it like they really built this the scene in such a great way the directing in this is so good yeah they really like use the entire space and like that's it's pretty cool so now we're in central perk um you know phoebe's getting all dolled up can we take a second to talk about phoebe's outfit first of all yeah wow it's intense it's like very um 70s right yeah it's definitely yeah that's a good way of putting it with like the hair like a go-go dancer kind of yeah go go dancer like um and then also with like um she has her hair like pulled to one side at the very front and then she has one piece to make it look almost like she's wearing like a headband and it's pulled in the opposite side and then all of it comes back and then flips out and it's just like it's just like a very 70s or like even 60s no 70s i think it's 70s probably 70s yeah yeah and i just i think it's so good and it's so cute yeah and it's kind of almost like a i feel like a throwback about like like kind of like the inspiration for phoebe's character which i feel is very much like the 70s kind of like hippie kind of you know like beginning of ethereal kind of like new agey style of um yeah that's in person actually i didn't think of that yeah yeah um um yeah so obviously rachel's like just being a little petty and annoyed again about julie um and then you know monica says like the most unhelpful line in the world i know sweetie you just have to get over it and rachel's clap back there is so good like she's like oh how did i not even think of that like it's just like it's like how much do you want to tell that to someone who's like everything happens for a reason you're like oh thank you like just shut up i get it but i'm just being petty right now let me be petty you know it's like yeah it's funny but no i agree i yeah i i also have like this moment though of being like like how do you deal with that kind of a situation right where it's like clearly so like later on the episode they'll point out that it's been like basically two months that you know ross and julie have been going out and so it's like two months of like rachel being like this yeah being like this and like not like it's clear that she's not gonna do anything about it like she's not gonna tell ross it seems and uh yeah and and so it's sort of anyway yeah i can imagine monica just being like okay come on like you gotta get over it like that kind of tough love style yeah i get it i get it cause i feel like she's probably tried every other thing at this point but it's just hard because i think like you know like i just i've been i've been in rachel's situation like that feeling of just like being really in love with someone who you know is like with someone else or in love with someone else and like doesn't see you that way anymore or actually i feel like it was never saw me that way and so it's like it's just really sad like it breaks your heart and you feel it every single day and it really hurts so it's like i understand where rachel's coming from but i also understand where monica's coming from and when you were the rachel in that situation i was the monika so we're probably yeah and it was not helpful but like i said tried to have the conversation in every other way and it wasn't helpful either so wow we are going to talk about this at a time that's not on this podcast we're just digging up old dirt publicly yeah yeah let's put that dirt back in there um i want to move on and talk about something in particular which is i want to talk about chandler's sweater okay did you notice his sweater here who's chandler he's wearing this like it's kind of like baggy it's got like red sleeves and like it's burgundy and green and i just want a state that is a hundred percent a queer sweater like not like that chandler's gay for wearing that sweater but it is one of those sweaters where like if you've existed in the queer community you have gone to a thrift store and you have purchased an oversized baggy green and or burgundy sweater that is like you know has like it's almost like an open sweater and it's just and it's it's a queer sweater 100 it just like i've i've yet to go to a queer dance party in which i haven't seen someone wearing a sweater like that interesting i mean we have talked about in the past like the concept of like how chandler is like queer like a queer baiting character where it's yeah that's true yeah they kind of set it up for like you to almost think that down the line it's gonna be like oh actually i've come to terms with like myself and i'm gay you know like something or i'm queer of some sort you know like but it doesn't look interesting that doesn't actually ever happen and and to be honest so like like in the last episode like you kind of point out that you're like annoyed with the fact that like there's always like these jokes about chandler like being gay and it's old and whatnot i very often like i don't know if this is like wrong but i'm just like i usually kind of enjoy those jokes because i think there's like a little part of me that's like i want him to be gay you know yeah i get i get that but i guess i just like i i i like the jokes i don't like it when it appeared in this in this it's framed in this way that like he is less manly because he is gay oh yeah sure and there's definitely like tons of homophobia and also within the context of pop culture and the rest of the show like no these show like these jokes are not like excusable but like me as a little queer person over here i'm like like i don't know every time someone said like mentions like like writing fanfiction in your head exactly that's what it is is that like it's like this constant reminder of like oh maybe maybe chandler is queer maybe he's one of us come to the dark side that's why you mean the very very very colorful side sure way to play into stereotypes okay so scene cut um ross is kicking rachel in the butt in this very cute playful way um after julie leaves um and he has this actually really in my opinion like incredibly vulnerable moment um i think that like he feels like he can trust rachel with this thing that he's like feeling and clearly feels uncomfortable talking about clearly um like isn't sure and like is really insecure about this aspect in which he like literally brings up the fact that like the only person that he's ever been with um has you know is now i like well is now with a woman and is a lesbian you know so it's like this insecurity that comes with like like that feeling of this this person the only person who i've ever shared an intimate sexual relationship with or any sexual relationship with wasn't actually into my gender you know what i mean or like you know maybe was at the time and like of course like you know sexuality is fluid it's not like because she's a lesbian she wasn't into having sex with ross but i can imagine that feeling of like like did i do something wrong like you know this i don't know i just get it yeah totally i mean like not yeah like there's so many layers there like the one is that like you've only ever been with one person so only one person has ever seen you this way um but then also like that that didn't end well so it's like all of that baggage there but then on top of that yeah no it's just totally it's yeah it's a beautiful moment of vulnerability and also i i will add to this that i think this is a beautiful moment on ross's end where it's like he's finally in a place where he's taking all of that love that he has for rachel and he's moving on in a romantic way but then being able to take that love and respect that he has for rachel and channel it into a friendship into the friendship and you can really see it in that moment like he wants to have a deep vulnerable conversation with her and it's coming from that place that it is because he loves her so much you know um and he's willing to open up to her in this way and he wants to share this part of himself with her even though it's not like with her you know yeah yeah for sure and then rachel takes the situation and manipulates it 100 mm-hmm yes um yeah it's it sucks it sucks here i really like i i get it and it's funny for comedic reasons 100 um and i do not think and i'm gonna say this again i do not think it's the same thing as when ross manipulates her um and i will explain why and that is because of the patriarchy no but seriously in the sense that like it is not okay for anyone to manipulate anyone pointy nad manipulating someone um in order to get something that you want out of it especially when they're in this vulnerable position is really really harmful and so what rachel does here is not okay but i think that it's like i want to bring this up because we talk about how like ross manipulates rachel so much last season and how like you know he says he turns to paolo he's like messing with her relationship with paulo he like like [ __ ] shames her a bunch you know et cetera et cetera and i think like it's important to point out that there's a different power dynamic when a man is controlling a woman's behavior than when a woman is manipulating a man and that's not to say that one like that they're that you know a woman manipulating a man is okay i'm not at all saying that but i think it's just it's important to recognize the power structures at play and the ways in which for literal centuries and still to this day men have had a lot of say over the way women dress how the way women act the way women behave the way women have sex etc etc so ross manipulating rachel is a very different thing than rachel manipulating ross did i say that okay does that make sense i think so yeah i think it's like it's finding that line between the fact that like um your individual actions are can be seen as an individual action but at the same time everything comes within the bigger picture and the context of like society and the baggage that has come with it and and it's like having to be able to see both at the same time in whatever we do and um and also i mean like as the episode progresses i would i i think that we should go also like on an individual action sort of looking at things i do think that how rachel how it plays out with rachel is a little bit different than than with ross um but we'll we'll we'll get there yeah absolutely i also want to take this scene though here because we're talking about sex and we're also talking about like like like he's like oh we haven't had sex yet and then okay i want to talk about sex in many different ways right now but i but like he's like we've done other things and so i want to like reiterate how like penna from the context of what he's talking about it's clear that like when he's talking about hasn't had sex he means i we haven't had penetrative sex as of yet you know yeah or they have had specifically penis and vagina sex i think right yes yeah um and and so it's sort of like like wanting like pointing that out that like ross you're already having the sex like you're doing the thing you know um but like yes every kind of different sexual act can have like different connotations different like emotional like attachments and psychological feelings so yes like looking at them all individually makes sense um yeah but um yeah just know just a thought there it's good to point that out i also want to point out though that like like i don't know emily if you were in this situation where someone that you were like very much in love with um or like super crushing on or whatever comes soon as like i'm thinking of having sex with this other person well this person that i'm dating you know like you're already in a different relationship like i don't know is them having sex with the person they're dating a big deal no i think i think maybe she's just surprised that they haven't had sex yet because they've been together for two months you know and so and like clearly like you know you get this scene later on where like julie is already at ross's apartment when the rest come over like did she say the night was she there like how long has she been there you know like so they've clearly have like a pretty established relationship and like i think when you're there there is a assumption and it's not uh not necessarily a correct assumption because you know asexual people exist um you know things like that but like i i think there's an assumption that when you've been in a relationship with someone for x amount of time you've had sex you know so i can imagine her being just like confused and quote unquote shocked um yeah but it doesn't necessarily mean it makes sense you know yeah but i guess they just more mean like i don't know sex is not a big deal in some way anyway you know what let's maybe it'll come out i don't know about that because i think for ross right now he's saying it is right like he's actually saying that sex is a big deal for him um yeah i don't mean it in that way like on an individual i guess it's like someone else having sex maybe i'm not getting this across very well so as things progress if it comes if language comes to emote what i'm trying to say i will i'll i'll do the thing um but now we're going to flip over and we're going to see phoebe meeting up with her husband um yeah so duncan and phoebe are at the ice rink together um he is very sparkly and she's kind of very sparkly too she's wearing a very sparkly lip gloss yeah i was thinking of that or lipstick i don't know and i think that like her love for him here is very cute and very relatable um and at the end of the scene um like before it cuts to again uh ross and like the gang over at roz's place she has this moment where like he's like oh i'm gonna go change and then she's like okay olay and like and then she's and he's like huh like she has to like explain her joke to him and i just feel like that is the most relatable thing in the world where she like says like you have a crush on someone and you say something and you think you're being witty but really you weren't and it wasn't very funny and then you're like oh my god why did i say that and kind of like regretting it and feeling like so awkward like i just think that's she does that so well like why did i say that like hahahaha you know so yeah totally um question do we want to just go through the storyline oh yeah sure why not okay yeah sure so then yeah so then um duncan basically says that he needs a divorce because turns out that he is not gay he is in fact straight um and then ensues an excellent two to three minute scene of him coming out as straight and the writers wrote this very specifically because it's so funny that he has to come out a straight right but i think it's important to notice that it is really funny that anyone has to come out as anything you know what i mean like yeah i think it's like like i just i like this scene for the fact that like it just really shows how ridiculous it is ridiculous it is that like coming out has to be this huge big deal and it it is i'm not saying that it's not because it is because we live in this world in which like you know we've created this world in which we devalue queer people so i'm not saying like it's not valid to to think of coming out as like intense because it is like my own coming out was really really intense and emotional but like it just like shows that it's like this is a silly concept you know what i mean like why do we have to make such a big deal about this you know um and i just like the scene yeah and i think they do a really good job of like taking um like all like the especially like the 90s tropes that exist around like being gay and like all like the the conversations that almost seem like you have to have to come out you know like to prove your gayness or to prove you know like and like how did you know you know and like when it when did you find out is was there someone you know and things like that yeah for sure yeah exactly and like you know the person feeling betrayed um when like you know or like i don't know you anymore but it's like i'm still the same person and it's just like um all these these levels of of you know that that it just sort of seems like inevitable or you know in a lot of ways um you know what's funny actually that i just thought of is like ross would have had this same similar conversation with carol do you know what i mean like like i can imagine that this was a similar conversation that ross had with carol just being like well like you know how did you know blah blah blah blah blah not saying like you know all of this like major interrogation is okay because a lot of queer people are like still figuring their [ __ ] out we're all figuring our [ __ ] out but honestly but like i i think that um like i can imagine you know there's like there's been two divorces on this show so far and it's ross's divorce to his queer wife or lesbian wife and now it's phoebe's divorce because she was married to someone who she thought was gay but now is straight you know it's like this kind of reversal of their two divorces oh yeah that's so interesting yeah um i also love this parallel um or i guess like yeah i love this parallel because it's sort of like i think that you can kind of get from it how exhausting it is to come out you know like yeah like and for anyone who is not aware that like because of like the world that we live in that we you know need to undo that like we just make assumptions about like someone's sexual orientation and gender all the time that it just creates a system where it requires people to have to like the concept of like being out or not is like non-existent because like yeah because you're constantly coming out exactly or you're constantly reading a room and deciding if maybe you shouldn't come out here you know maybe it would be safer if you're not out here you know yeah yeah exactly and so it's like there's not like one moment in like a queer person's life where they're like now i am out and like that is it it's it's like this continuous process unless maybe they're like famous and everyone knows them right well i've actually read articles of people who like who even when they're famous like it's still the same thing like right like kind of being like you would think because that's what i thought that like i'm you know very well known that people would just know but it's like still a continuous thing yeah and and i think that like it's like and maybe just to like help people who like cannot relate in that way to relate on some level is to sort of like see this conversation and then just imagine having to have that conversation over and over and over again for pretty much like the rest of your life um including other ones that end like very horribly and people like having a lot of like backlash to it or you know like um and so i guess like yeah that's what i was trying to articulate earlier and just did a very poor job of it so i'm glad you articulated it better than me i was trying to say like it's so ridiculous that we have like that this conversation exists because it just feels like that yeah that's anyways you said it way better than when i was what i was saying because you know whatever it's late in the day i know it i think and then also like on the other side like everyone making an effort to no longer assume gender or sexuality would be would be helpful and that doesn't mean to just assume that someone is gay because they have some sort of feature about them that is a stereotypically gay or queer thing like being an ice skater exactly um yeah so i think we can finish off that that like story yeah with phoebe um you know they have they share this like little cute goodbye kiss and um obviously she wants to know if her his brother is straight which is really funny um and like wants to date his brother maybe kind of also like a little creepy way you know yeah kind of like she takes it too she takes a little far but um yeah okay so then let's follow the the crew who is over at ross and rachel's apartment so were they all walking and julie has a paleontologist on her face yeah yeah so good um and i should i want to just add like when that moment happens and and chandler is the one speaking and the like the camera is focusing on chandler and julie and ross's interaction right but if you notice in the background monica like turns to look at rachel and rachel monica like share this glance and it's again another example of like really good directing and really good acting of like characters taking on these roles even when the focus isn't on them like this is like it's this moment like and it's a very real moment you know when you're like you check in with your friend you know like monica just like turns her head to check in with rachel to be like oh i'm sorry like you okay you know like and i just think that that's really cool and they don't draw attention to it it's just in the background yeah and i thought that was a really good like directing um call there yeah yes and then obviously they brought joey's porn movie and it's great yeah and yeah i i love this like kind of back and forth between joey and chandler when joey's like oh and channels like look what i got here like joey's porno movie and then show me like as revenge is like yeah sure we can watch it if you're okay with the video filled with two nippled people like it's just like they're just like you know like trolling each other sort of thing yeah and then also all of the like porn and sex type puns that then ensue as like little exchanges leading up to them watching the movie it's just like yeah totally very like he's going getting a job or whatever you know yeah totally very good um yeah but there's like i don't know if we need to get into this too much because there will be future episodes in which we talk a lot more about porn i think um but uh i yeah i think it will make time exactly i think that like it's important to know it you know obviously that like there is this really intense um stereotype that like porn is degrading to women and um you know what that's not to say that there isn't porn that degrees women that's definitely true um but like you know there are there is this um this idea that like people in porn are gross or terrible or like awful you know and and that's just not true like you know people who are important are humans who are doing a job and that's their job and that's it and they are deserving and worthy of the same amount of respect that you would offer anyone else who's just living their life and doing a [ __ ] job so just wanna put that into the universe yeah totally um yeah and then go ahead no no it's okay i'm chatting a lot you can you can chat um yeah and then also just like if your concern is like the treatment of women and the actors in these you can find lots of great like independent um like porno like porn movies uh or just like porn actors um that you can that you can subscribe to and um and also like pain for your porn is important you know supporting the actors directly um because it is hard work and uh people deserve to get paid for this type of entertainment yeah totally and usually when you know you're not watching free porn but watching paid porn um the actors like there is depends on who owns the porn situation but like you said the independent style like you can have the actors in it especially if your concern is quote-unquote degrading women um you know you can find a lot of really incredible uh sex workers out there who are advocating for themselves um and don't want a pity party um and just want you to [ __ ] pay them for what they do um and respect them so yeah maybe we can throw some show links oh my god let's put some good [ __ ] porn subscription show links show notes into our links into our show notes i think those yeah all right um okay but then yeah and then rachel's like trying to convince them not to watch porn by being like it's degrading to women and females and the lighting is unflattering which is hilarious that that line is so funny when she says that i usually like disagree like if anything like especially like the high end porns like very often they like can very often depict like very unrealistic like sex dynamics right which is another uh you know another reason to go like smaller or amateurs you know porn whatnot but like i i so i just find that like a funny statement because it's like if anything i'm like like if anything like the lighting is too perfect no one looks that good having sex that's so true um but yeah no and then and then she turns to to monica and it's like monica back me up here and monica like i think this is one of my favorite monica lines in the world where she's like hell i want to see joey like she has this just like total like i don't give a [ __ ] i don't i'm not here to support you i want to see joey in this board it's like there's only so far i can sacrifice to support you on this one exactly it's so good and then then i actually like i want to just note this little moment on the couch when like chandler and monica are like really close here like it's like no they're really close we can't give anything away oh [ __ ] i should just just gave something away oops all right let's take note of that time classic um but anyways so yeah no so there's this like moment where chandler and monica are like really close on the couch and like it it's almost like they're like you know they're bonding in a in a sexy way i'm i'm into it anyways whatever yeah yeah i i agree it's um cute you know um yeah so then rachel keeps everyone from leaving after that keeps everyone from leaving wants to learn about cobb salad etc etc um and then eventually they're like okay we gotta[ __ ] go like this is it like rachel we can only support you for so long again yeah um yeah and then then we get this really intense scene um in the hallway last kind of scene of the episode um and it's it's like it's sad it's um understandable again but it's also sad and rachel starts first by like again trying to manipulate him and then when he has he has this like really incredible moment where again he's being super vulnerable with her and he's like you know i spent all of last year just being really sad and really depressed and like i'm finally happy and i just don't want to mess it up and like then she has i think a bit of this realization where she's like uh [ __ ] like what are you doing you know yeah um yeah she says to him she's like oh you know i'm sorry and he's like oh well it's not your fault and then she kind of like scoffs and is like like like she sees what she's doing yeah yeah yeah yeah and and then like flips it and turns it in a way of like her being able to then just like share something with him of what you know i guess she wants or whatnot um like create a different outlet for her feelings for him and yeah and i don't know if this last bit is manipulative anymore like i think she's just like being just feeling and trying to tell him how she feels without actually telling him how she feels like i guess it's a little manipulative yeah it's like it's more she's just like being really vulnerable herself i think um yeah it's hard to say yeah yeah and then obviously he walks away because he's not into her anymore he is into julie and he wants to go and be with julie and then again we get this other super incredibly relatable moment where she just like collapses to the floor and groans so loudly yeah which is really funny because i feel like the last thing in the scene is like like in the in frame is like her hair that is like attached to the wall is because she like collapsed so quickly and her hair was on the wall yeah um i think i also want to like point out here like how ross is like you know it was so miserable all last year and like now that he's in a relationship he's no longer miserable and again like same theme from like uh chandler in last episode where he's sort of like um you know doesn't want to be end up alone in a sense um you know like just like this continuity of like you know relationships or being in a relationship makes you whole or keeps you happy and um you know it's just like all these very very subtle ways that like very a lot of pop culture just sort of like normalizes that when that's not interesting because i actually just think that like last year he was depressed because he was literally going through like a divorce a very unexpected divorce he like was unexpectedly with child with this woman he was in love with and like now can't even raise his child with this woman he was in love with i want to point out like where the freak has been been the last like few episodes yeah he's mentioned briefly in like one of the episode where he says him and julia are going to swing by carol and susan's to see again but um yeah i know yeah no he's gone but like anyways i just want like i yeah i get what you're trying to say and i'm on board but i think that like he did have a rough last year and no i'm not like saying that he didn't have a ref last year but like this year being better because suddenly he's like in a relationship with someone it's just anyway because i think that like he says when he first starts dating julie he turned to chandler and he was like look like i was pieing over rachel for so freaking long and you know what and i realized like you know what dude you just gotta get over it you gotta stop being kind of like a baby about it and you gotta move on and i like actually think that that's where that happiness comes from like him just like stop being a little baby and feeling sorry for himself and like you know i don't know but you know it's probably common combination of both and stuff interesting it is yeah what do you guys think out there in the world yeah do you think bonus poll question bonus poll question um i think speaking of polls let's go into polls home time so this week on the polls for episode four of season two the one with phoebe's husband we asked some questions and you gave us some pretty great answers so have you ever had any unwanted non-domesticated animal meander into your living space and 77 percent said yes this did happen and to be fair emily has an excellent excellent story that um includes a banana and a goat um and hopefully we'll have some time at some point to tell that story uh we also ask have you ever told someone else's secret because they told one of yours now this is not super cool guys um i got some people who uh voted yes they have done this which was 36 by the way uh write in to me and be like i was not always a good person which i think is funny we all make some pretty poor decisions in our lives don't we um next what what next one do we want to do um oh have you ever stopped this is another one where i got the same sort of answers like messages from people have you ever tried to stop someone that you like from having sex with someone else and 71 said no but 29 said yes they have um when you have a crush on someone does it bother you if they sleep with someone else 65 said yes um now 11 of people who answered polls have seen the ice capades and to be quite frank i don't think i quite know exactly what the ice capades are but when shannon wrote in was like does disney on ice count i was like yes of course um because maybe i don't know what the definition of ice capades are um but anyway um also okay this was my favorite question um because rachel's like the porn light is always unflattering and in my mind that's just not the case um and thirty percent of people said yes and seventy percent agreed with me and said no uh now for the rest of the poll question answers you're gonna have to go check out our patreon page uh to get the deets see you there now back to our regular scheduled programming so i feel like that i think it kind of like starts to really wrap up the episode um who do you think was the best friend of the episode um interesting uh oh sorry we didn't talk about the fact that ross just the last scene where ross is super excited because he just had sex and he is dancing in the street to singing in the rain i think is epic um yes that's great and if we had more time i wouldn't mind deconstructing it but i think that we can do that in future episodes when similar things happen interesting okay i haha yeah hmm alluding to something in the future um all right yeah sure um okay best friend of the episode uh maybe maybe monica giving rachel a little tough love um you know wanting to watch the ball i feel like no one was the best friend of the episode because everyone was kind of shitty you know like monica gave away you know i want to nominate julie as the best friend of the episode why she is she like you know has this great moment with a couple of the friends she's like really starting to get to know them she's playing around with them she's being silly with them and then like in this end of the episode she like sits on the couch and just lets rachel ask her a bunch of questions and she answers all of them and she's just like she's just there she's present she's asked to be present and she is present and she's there interesting what's your vote my vote is i don't know i i feel like none of them have done anything that like can we keep nominating people who are not actually the main cast like i thought the point anyway i will agree with you it's julie that's the best we can do this way did we i don't i don't know if we ever established that the best friend of the episode had to be in the main cast yeah it's true okay well then maybe yeah probably julie because she was like a she's just generally very cool and to like dealt with with rachel in stride so i think that wraps us up for this week um so you can find us on instagram at w t philangi podcast that's a phalange with a ph so you can check in on our polls that we have every second week and be a part of the answers also if you like this podcast don't forget to leave us a review written one is preferred you can head on over to our patreon as well and subscribe to our patreon account and get a bunch of benefits if you would like to support us that way as well and also don't forget to tell a friend about us um friends tell your friends um so you can also find me quinn at quinn kbrunner.com or on instagram at thebasicnb or mindbodywithquinn and you can find me emily at emilybyoga.com or at my handle emily b yoga um that is emily with an i.e not a y i love that this is like my catchphrase now emily was an ie not a why um yeah so that's this week's episode oh yep well i was just gonna say in the meantime you guys keep deconstructing and diversifying the media you can you consume maybe we should say that again okay so keep deconstructing and diversifying the media media you consume there's a lag like there's no around no way around the lag